In most chapel settings, the front rows are reserved for the immediate family—spouse, children, parents, and siblings of the deceased. These seats are often marked or intentionally left open, and funeral staff may guide family members to their places.

Extended family and close friends generally sit in the next few rows behind the immediate family. These are people who had a meaningful, ongoing relationship with the deceased and want to support the grieving family up close. If you're a co-worker, acquaintance, or member of the community, the appropriate place is toward the middle or back rows. This allows space for family members and those closest to the deceased to have priority seating, while still enabling you to participate respectfully.

 

For services with ushers or funeral directors, simply ask for guidance if you’re unsure. They are there to help and can discreetly direct you to an appropriate seat. Arrive early if you expect a large turnout or are unsure of where you fall in terms of closeness to the family. A timely arrival also shows respect for the occasion and prevents awkward interruptions. Be mindful of seating during religious or military ceremonies, where certain protocols may apply, such as designated seating for clergy, honor guards, or pallbearers.

 

Ultimately, seating at a funeral isn’t about status—it’s about showing support. Sitting in the “right” place means understanding your relationship to the deceased and quietly fitting into the larger gathering of people there to grieve, remember, and pay tribute. If in doubt, observe and follow the lead of others or simply ask. Thoughtfulness and humility go a long way at a funeral.

 

Signing the Register

Be sure to add yourself to the register book, using your full name so that the family can identify you in the future. It's also helpful to add information about how you knew the deceased — through work, social clubs, school, etc.

 

Paying Respect

At a service with an open casket, it's customary to show your respect by viewing the deceased and, if you wish, spending a few moments in silent prayer. The family may escort you to the casket, or you might approach on your own. Viewing the deceased is not mandatory, however, and you should do what is comfortable to you.

 

Religious & Ethnic Customs

Traditions and customs differ among various communities, ethnic groups, and religions, and it's often helpful to ask beforehand about any special considerations. We can answer many of your questions and can point you toward resources that offer more information.

 

Flowers

Sending flowers is a wonderful way to express your sympathy to the family of the deceased and can bring comfort in a difficult time. Flowers are a meaningful gift that can be enjoyed during and after the funeral service. Floral arrangements and plants can be sent to the funeral home to be present at services or sent to the home of the family directly.

 

Gifts

This can be a very draining time for a family. The gift of food is a kind gesture that the family will deeply appreciate and help alleviate the stress of funeral planning and mourning. Remembering children in the family is a thoughtful gesture, as this is often a difficult time for them as well. A small gift like a stuffed animal or a book is best. Time is precious. Helping with household tasks ease the family's burden. Caring for pets, driving children to school, running errands, or helping around the house are wonderful ways to help the family.

 

You don’t need to go overboard with your gift, after all it is the thought that counts. Suitable gifts include flowers, a donation to the charity of the family’s choice, or you can make a commitment of service to the family at a later date. A commitment of service can be something as simple as cooking them dinner, or offering to clean up their house, any of the “little” things that may be neglected while a family deals with death. Make sure you provide a signed card so the family knows who gave the gift.

 

Mobile Phone Use

If you choose to bring your phone into the funeral home, take a moment to make sure you've turned it off, or, at the very least, on silent or vibrate.. Your phone ringing will be highly inappropriate and will cause a disturbance. Checking your phone is noticeable and is a distraction for those who are trying to pay their respects. If you must return a message or receive a call, exit the service quietly.

 

Keep in Touch

You may feel that the family needs their space and time to grieve, but a simple phone call or note after the funeral lets the family know you care. With social networking leaving a quick note is as simple as a click of a mouse. The months following a death is when grieving friends and family need the most support.

 

Don’t Overindulge – If food or drink is served, do not over do it. Have a bite to eat before you go to the service, you do not want to be that guy parked at the snack table. If alcohol is served, limit yourself to one or two, do not become inebriated and risk doing something inappropriate.

 

Cemetery Etiquette

Follow the Rules. Most cemeteries have a sign posted near the entrance listing rules specific to the property. Follow the rules and observe any floral regulations they might have set. Make sure to follow and obey the cemetery hours.

 

Respect the Grave

Don't touch any monuments or headstones; this is not only disrespectful but may cause damage to the memorials — especially older ones. Never remove anything from a gravestone, such as flowers, coins, or tributes that have been left by a family.

 

Be Respectful of Services & Other Mourners

If a funeral is occurring, take care not to get in the way of processions. Respect their privacy and give them their space.

 

Speak Softly & Politely

Be respectful to other mourners. Remember to keep your voice down when having conversations. Make sure your phone is muted or turned off.

 

Look After Your Children

If you bring children, make sure to keep a close eye on them and keep them from running, yelling, and playing or climbing on graves and monuments.

 

Don't Leave Trash Behind

Use designated receptacles if they are provided, otherwise hang onto your trash and take it with you when you leave.

 

 

Grief Support

Our responses to the different feelings that occur during the grieving process are often described as “stages.” These stages are not tied down to “real time”, and people do not necessarily move in and out of the stages in an orderly, straightforward manner. Stages can last for minutes or hours. It is not unusual to move into and out of one stage and then to another, and cycle back again to the first one. You may find yourself repeating this process a number of times as you continue to work through your grief. There are five commonly observed stages that people experience during the grieving process. These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

 

At the beginning, you may feel a sense of detachment, shock, or numbness. You may even wonder why you are not more upset over your loss. This feeling of disconnection is a survival response. It is simply nature's way of helping you to continue to function on a basic level while under extreme stress. Denial is a tool that unconsciously enables you to do the things that are necessary to carry on with your life in the days immediately following your loss. Anger provides a bridge of connection from the initial numbness of grief. You may find yourself angry at the doctors, your family, the loved one who died, or at God. Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. Your anger is connected to your pain. The more you truly allow yourself to feel your anger alongside the pain, the more it will diminish, and the more you will heal. Before and after a loss, you may feel like you would have done anything if only your loved one would be spared. “If only” and “what if” becomes a recurrent thought. Guilt often accompanies bargaining. You may wonder if you could have done anything different so that your loved one might still be alive. You may try to second-guess the doctors and yourself.

 

You may revert to living in the past to avoid the pain of the present. After bargaining, feelings of emptiness and grief present themselves on a deeper level. This depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a great loss. When a loss fully settles in your soul, and you realize that your loved one is not coming back, feelings of deep sadness (depression) are normal. To not experience depression after a loved one dies would be very unusual. Depression is a necessary step toward healing. Eventually you come to terms with your bereavement as you move into the acceptance stage of grief. At this point, the loss has become part of your story and your history. It does not consume your life in the same way it did to begin with. With acceptance comes increased peace. As you move through this stage, you will find yourself once more interested in and able to enjoy some of the things that you formerly liked to do. You may develop new interests and relationships.

 

You have learned to live with your loss in a way that is constructive and healing.

 

How long am I going to feel this way?

Every person is different, and so is their grief. Each person will follow a different path toward healing. Although there is no right or wrong amount of time to complete the grieving process, many experts agree that it is not unusual to take at least a year to move through the grieving process. Complicated Grief The duration of the mourning process can also be influenced by your relationship to the deceased, the amount of support you receive, and other factors. Sometimes the healing process may become disrupted or delayed if other events or traumatic losses have previously occurred in a person’s life.

 

This may be especially true if the other loss is relatively recent, or has never been fully processed in and of itself. This grief experience is known as “complicated grief.” People who are dealing with this type of grief may benefit by working with professionals who are trained in dealing with complex grief issues. If, after some time has passed, you find your grief is still persistent and disruptive to the point where it impacts your daily functions, please seek professional counseling.